Merry Christmas to all!

I cannot believe that Christmas is only a few short days away.  Where has the time gone?  It seems to me that the days are moving at warp speed.  I for one thought I had an additional week to shop, clean and prepare for the holiday, but to my surprise, it’s already here!  

I have been so busy cleaning, organizing and volunteering that I haven’t had the time to enjoy the holiday season. Our family took some time this past weekend to spend an afternoon with our dear friends; it was so wonderful to have that time of fellowship.

Repeat after me:  I will shop, stop and play!  What good is a holiday without food and fellowship with friends? So for the next 5 days I am going to do my best to enjoy what’s left of Christmas 2011. 

As I write this blog post and trace my Christmas gifts that haven’t arrived, I am thinking of ways to enjoy some time with friends and family.  

Take time to enjoy your Christmas.  It’s all about the food and fellowship for me.  Building memories is the key.  Time waits for no one, so take a deep breath, slow the pace and enjoy your Christmas.  

Merry Christmas to you all!

Find ways to give back

I recently joined a group of volunteers to help write their quarterly newsletter.  The group is made up mostly of retirees.  Much to my surprise I am finding that I enjoy working and learning from my future demographic. One of the women I volunteer with is a vibrant, intelligent 92 year old woman.  Here is someone who is still giving back and doing things to add value to others.

This gives me hope. It doesn’t matter our age we all have something to give. There is something that each of us can participate in, that we can teach, that we can mentor and that we can learn from.

Our lives can sometimes be overwhelming, simple, and complicated at times. This is life.  I want to encourage you to find a way to give of yourself.  You can do something great or small.  It all matters. 

My mom taught me about giving.  She was a woman who had very little when I was growing up and yet she was the most generous person I knew.  She gave of her resources, her time and talents.   She served the homeless, always visited the sick and was constantly cooking up a dish for someone. She still visits the sick and cooks, though she is 80.

I have started volunteering again and it feels great to give beyond the scope of my own family.  Find your niche, it can be great or small, remember it all matters. 

Here is a favorite quote that I am learning to live by. 

“Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can”

John Wesley quotes (English Evangelist, founder of Methodism. 1703-1791)

A suggestion for the recession…

Many you are out of work or know someone who is. The recession of the 20^th Century is affecting us all.  I know I am feeling the pangs of it too. Although you may be going through a tough time now, you will get through it I promise.    

I have found creative ways to get me through these challenging times, for example:  I recently exchanged my organization and cleaning skills in exchange for a pair of winter boots.  I knew I could not afford it, so I worked for it instead.  I want to encourage you to be resourceful.  Find your creativity.  Some of you can barter or trade your skill or craft in exchange for something you may need. 

I have gone back to using my coupons for everything you can imagine.  I look at all my favorite websites* for coupons on groceries, clothing, cleaning products, etc.  I have also gone back to repurposing and refinishing furniture to brighten up my home. (I haven’t done that in 20 years)  The point is there are things we can do and do without. 

I have managed to put my focus on what I can control.  I have a mental list that looks like this: What I can control/What I cannot control.  I can control the way I take care of my home, my family and my finances.  I cannot control the price of gas or the cost of food.

You may be down, but not out; broke, but not broken.  Things will get better.  You may know someone who is struggling, why not encourage them today.  I know people who still have jobs and are struggling, not just with their finances but also with their faith.  Extend them a hand, let them know you care.  It is amazing how far encouragement can go. 

Take time to assess what is really important for yourself and your family.  For me the well-being of my family is what is important.  Let us not be discouraged by our circumstances.  Our best days are ahead of us, not behind us.

*Favorite websites: www.allonlinecoupons.com, www.wow-coupons.com, www.retailmenot.com, www.couponcabin.com and http://usa.visa.com/personal/discounts/index.jsp

Let’s encourage one another

I recently published an article regarding the importance of prayer in our daily lives.  (see link below)

I believe in the power of prayer and have been a witness to the miraculous and have seen answers to prayer time and time again.  I want to encourage you today if you have never done so before to pray.  

I received a call this weekend from a friend who was feeling overwhelmed by one family crisis after another.  I was so glad she called as we were able to encourage one another.  I reminded her to not to let go of her faith.  When we give up our faith, we succumb to the very thing that is troubling us, which in turns disrupts our thinking and everything around us. 

I want to remind all of you that everything is subject to change when we pray.  Pray for yourself, your friends and family.  Take time to call a friend to encourage them and really pray for them.  

Our family prays on Sunday evenings.  We pray for our friends and family and for many people we do not know personally, yet we pray for them.  We sometimes get last minute calls to pray concerning a love one that is ill or going through a difficult time.  We take this time of prayer seriously.  

I want to invite you today that if you have a request for prayer to feel free to email me at awifesguide@gmail.com and we will gladly pray for you as well.  

Keep the faith!

http://www.womensavemoney.com/faith-and-life/see-god-move-by-irma-morton 

My Magical Kitchen

Many of you know I hate cooking-wait that might be too strong a word for it, but honestly I see cooking as a chore it has to be done and done quickly. 

I was feeling ill this past week and finally began to recover my energy back.  I don’t know what came over me but in one day I created several meals for my family. As a matter of fact I made a pot of homemade chicken soup, baked biscuits, oven fried chicken, mashed potatoes, spinach, and even  homemade peanut butter cookies. Oh, my head is spinning!  My family thought I may have contracted an illness that affected my brain. I can assure you I had not!  I think it was my magical kitchen.  

You see I was cleaning my kitchen earlier that morning and decided to put up my new kitchen curtains.  My kitchen was “suddenly and magically” transformed into a cozy, warm and inviting kitchen, whereby magical things began to happen.  Cookies popped out of the oven.  Dinners instantly appeared and suddenly our home is transported back-in-time to a place where our family is sitting at the dinner table, children are using their manners and everyone is polite to one another with wax like smiles. 

This usually happens at the beginning of fall when the leaves begin to change their colors from green to golden hues of brown, red and orange, reminding me of cozy things. Thus began my kitchen and home transformation.  I like to make things cozy and warm for my family.  Prepare the wood for the fireplace, take the extra blankets out and make sure there is enough hot-cocoa to feed an army.  

Take some time to cozy up your place. Go ahead and bake some cookies. You might even get a thank you for it.

Say something….

Don’t lose your voice, your ability to speak. You carry a great responsibility to be a voice to the people around you.  You have it among your peers, at the office, with your friends, and family, but more importantly with your children.

How do we wield the power of our voices?  Through the spoken word.  Words can create or destroy.  They can heal or wound.  Words can hinder or set others free. 

As women and as a mother we have words that guide, words that build up and words that tear down.  There is power in our words.  Our words can either speak life or death; I say choose life.  The words we speak over our children will be a guiding force in their lives.

As I get on with life, I realize that my words have not always been seasoned as they should be. 

Surely, we have spoken words that we wanted to take back as though they were never spoken. The truth is, once spoken they are gone forever.  They seem to carry a life of their own.  Were you ever the recipient of harsh words?  They seem to take wings and carry a continual message in your mind; mulling it over and over.  Good or bad, words seem to have the same affect, it can produce good fruit or bad fruit in our lives. 

I have been very conscientious of words all my life.  I have heard the good, the bad, and the ugly.   I have been encouraged by words and discouraged by others.   I love to write words, I love to read words and I like to speak words.   I am still mastering the language of love, words that edify.  I don’t always get it right, but I’m in pursuit of it daily.  

I try to be an encourager to my family and friends.  My goal is to leave a lasting word that will take flight in the hearts and mind of my love ones so that when it is all said and done, my words would have lasting impact and I would have been an instrument of change to someone else. 

I had an older brother, who later in life would not say very much, but I knew his heart well and I loved him.   When he came to a place in his life where the conversations became limited, I decided to send him a note to tell him how much he meant to me. I thanked him for always being my big brother and for taking care of me.  I told him how much I loved him. He thanked me for that note and told me how much it meant to him.  He took such good care of me when I was growing up.  He taught me to drive.  He would protect me from anything.  He’s gone now, but that love note meant so much.  Those words linked our two hearts together, and still do.

Perhaps you struggle with saying what you mean,choose your words caustiously. Some of you may have to write down on paper. Don't let your emotions get in the way of speaking your truth.

There are people out there that need to hear your voice, that need to hear your words of hope, truth and courage.  Words are very important, say what you want, be your authentic self. You are the only one that can say it, say something!  .

Staying Connected

I recently visited the home of one of my daughters’ friends and got to know the parents. We had wonderful adult conversations and great fellowship.  I was greeted with the opportunity to build new relationships and reminded of the importance in connecting face to face.  

Our technology advances have caused a decline in our face to face communications and in receiving and sending letters.  I have a few friends that still send me cards in the mail; it is a pleasure to receive.  Letter writing for the most part has been replaced with texting.  Most kids these days respond quicker to a text message than an actual phone call.  I for one had to get with the program.  My eldest said:  “mom you need to learn how to text”, so I learned.  I also learned that I needed to get an unlimited plan since that’s how she communicates with me most of the time. 

Technology is a wonderful thing.  However, I believe that we must maintain face to face contact as well.  There is nothing more inspiring than speaking to someone face to face.  Getting together allows us the opportunity to embrace one another.  It helps to build our vocabulary. It helps us to understand each other's differences, builds trust and brings the relationships to another level. 

I have a very dear friend who lives 3000 miles away, yet we are very close.  We have been friends for many years. She used to live close enough that we would get together often.  We build wonderful memories and she and her children have become part of our family.   We are on the phone practically every day; however lately she’s been asking me to get Skype, a telephone/video conferencing system so that she can look me in the face when we talk.  I’m thinking about it.

The point is we need to stay connected.  The human touch; an embrace from a friend or family member is so important.  I have decided to increase my time with friends and family this year.  I have decided to throw a party for the simple reason that we need to fellowship more.  How else can we teach our children the importance of communicating, much less the importance of friendship? 

Fellowship with one another is a key in helping to build family unity, in building relationships and times of remembrance.  Throw a party, invite some friends and build some memories.

Photo:  http://www.free-extras.com

Pay Attention!

Pay attention to your mother, pay attention to your father, pay attention!

Take heed to what you are being taught and learn something. 

This week as the news came in telling us to prepare for the worst hurricane in years; I was thinking about my mom and what she would do in preparation for a storm. My daughter suggested we get more water just in case.  I remembered how my mother would fill pots with water and anything she could find.  I thought I would do the same.  She always found a way to get us through.  

I was paying attention to my mother and how she did things to keep the home running and take care of her family.  We learned how to make substitutes for what we lacked.

I also thought about washing the laundry just in case the power goes off.  Best to have clean clothes in the event things got really bad and we would be without electricity for days. I picked up dry goods and batteries, candles and of course water. Some of the preparations were common sense, some were not.  

Although we had none of the technology we have today, I did learn some of the survival skills that would get us through given the circumstances.  This time I charged my laptop so that if the lights went out I could write and charge my phone at the same time.  The lights did eventually go out and we were prepared.

Why pay attention?  Others are depending on you…

Your family: care for them, teach them, be a mentor, discipline and love them, 

plan for the future

Your homes: clean it, organize it, and make it a place of safe refuge

Your job: be on time, do your best

Your car:  take care of it, clean it and maintain it

Your friends:  cultivate the relationship, spend time with them, be a friend

Yourself:  take care of your mind and body, be good to yourself

Why pay attention?  Paying attention leads to preparation; so that when the storms of life come, you’ll be prepared for them. 

Building Memories

I remember as a young woman still living at home, my sisters and I would make a large pot of coffee almost every night, we would sit with our espressos, and talk about everything. This is a warm memory for me.  I have tried to build warm memories for my children.  Ours is built on hot chocolate and toast with “butter drippings” as my daughter would always say. 

I have a niece who reminds me of the fond memories she used to have at our home. In the cold winter months we would sit in front of the fireplace, playing board games and laughing, until we fell asleep. She still talks about those times. Those are her warm memories.  She is all grown up now with a baby of her own and making some of her own memories.  Create an atmosphere for conversations that develops trust. This is the bridge that builds a future which links the past.

I remember it as though it was yesterday.  Yesterday is gone forever.  Are you building warm memories that will link your family to the past?  It’s important to build fond memories that they can recall with their own children.  Build some memories for a happy childhood.  Life isn’t perfect, but we can create some warm fuzzy feelings that will last us a lifetime.  What are you building?

Whose chore is it anyway?

His chores, my chores…As a married couple there are things that simply need to be done around the house.

You have many tasks such as:

• ·   Food shopping
• ·   Stops to the dry cleaner
• ·   Mowing the lawn
• ·   Trimming the hedges
• ·   Cleaning the house
• ·   Paying the bills
• ·   Etc.

The list goes on and on.  How do couples manage these chores?  I believe we get there through our natural and gifted abilities.  We did not sit down and say you do this and I’ll do that.  Most women find their niche by how they were trained at home.

I know for myself, I like things to be in order, so naturally I lean toward cleaning the house.  My husband on the other hand enjoys yard work. He says it is his way to relax.  I know people who cook or bake to relax.  

My point is; it doesn’t matter who has taken the lead to do what.  The important thing is that it gets done and when the other person can’t get the task done you step in and do it.  Be sensitive to what is going on around you.  Maybe your spouse has had a hard week, step up to the plate and do what needs to be done with a smile.   This is one way to show your love for each other.  I know my husband has done it for me many times.   

Guess what, this week I trimmed the hedges!

Love notes!

                                     

Today I want to encourage you to write a love note to a friend or family member.  I was reminded this past weekend of how important it is to tell someone that you are thinking of them and that they are an important part of your life.  

This coming week marks my mother’s 80^th Birthday.  In honor of her day, each family member was asked to write something special about her.  My youngest daughter wrote a beautiful piece honoring her grandmother.   

I want to encourage you too, if you haven’t done so already to write a special note to someone today.  Maybe there are people who you’ve lost touch with - go ahead make their day!   Writing has become a lost art.  Take time to let someone know that you are thinking of them today.  

The beautiful thing about the written word is that you can read it over and over again. You don’t have to be a great writer, just write a note to say you’ve been thinking of them.  You’ll be amazed at the impact it will have on the recipient.   

I love sending notes and do it often. Don’t be delayed, do it today!

Photo courtesy: www.weheartit.com

You’re so talented!

I was at the salon today to get a new look and hair color for my mom’s upcoming birthday party.  Women were chatting about everything, as we do when we’re at the salon waiting for the next step of our beauty process.  

As I was listening and talking to several women, I found out some very interesting things.  For example, the woman next to me owns a business designing clothes and she also makes wedding gowns.  I also heard a woman, who knew everything there was to know about organic farming, which I thought was interesting.  

There are so many talented women around us. I have a sister-in-law that builds; a deck, a staircase, a shelf – just because she can.  My daughter is a gourmet cook (self-taught), though this is not how she earns her living.  I have a friend who is brilliant in the financial markets.  I know women who run their homes better than most corporations.

We all have God given talents.  Are you using yours?  Some of us use our gifts to earn an income and some of us use these gifts because if we don’t, we’ll lose our brilliance.  The word “brilliance” means exceptional ability, skill or talent.  I know people who stopped using their gifts, and have lost their shine.  

I believe that each of us has greatness within us, bursting to get out.   Do you sew? Do you dance? Do you sing? Do you build? Use the God given gifts within you.   Don’t let your gift go by the wayside. 

I didn’t write for many years because I was always afraid I would not get the punctuations right.  I decided to pick up some books on grammar.  Most importantly - I began to write.  I’m a blogger now.  Who knew?  I love writing and find joy in doing so. 

Rediscover your gift today……you are so talented!

Charity begins at home

Don’t give to others what you haven’t given to your family first! 

As women we are inclined to volunteer our time and talents to many organizations, people, places and things.  We help out with the PTO at school; we lend a helping hand to our neighbors, our co-workers and even our friends.  It is wonderful to help our neighbors and to give of our time to others. 

The word “charity” means having goodwill towards man (people), helping someone in need, whether we are cooking for someone, helping them with a chore or spending time listening to them.  These are all admirable.  However, I believe that charity should begin at home. As women and especially as a wife and mother, our families should be the first to benefit from these acts of kindness.  

• Reason number one: This is where our responsibilities lie. Family should come first, others second. I don’t say this in a negative way, but we should not be giving away something that our family first hasn’t benefited from.
• Reason number two: How else can we teach our children about charitable giving, if they themselves haven’t been the recipients of it and have not seen the process firsthand?  

Here's a tip:   The next time you make a special dish or bake something for someone, make one for your family also. This shows your love for them and allows them to release your kindness to others.

Yes charity begins at home, but it doesn't end there, it just starts there!

Clear away the clutter

Is your mind cluttered with all of the things you need to do?  Write it down on paper.  I find that when I write it down, I no longer have to carry it around my mind.  Laundry piling high?  Take a day or two to get it done (my days are Mondays and Tuesdays).  Need to grocery shop? Thursdays are my day.   Is the house cluttered?  Take 10 minutes to clear the clutter.  I especially like to do this in the evening before calling it a night.  

Scheduling chores, exercising and family time takes discipline and it takes some work.  If you make a schedule you’re not running around on the weekends trying to do all.  Figure out a plan that works for you so that you can enjoy your life more.  It is no fun when your mind is bogged down with all the necessary chores still needing to be done. 

I like to have things in order. I think better, feel better and it makes me happy.  I know the difference between a dirty house and a messy one.  It is especially important to have things in order so that your mind can rest.  

Clearing away the clutter produces an atmosphere of rest for you and your family.  It also allows you time to connect with friends as well.   

Be a woman of integrity

I recently took a training seminar on Intellectual property and the laws that govern it.  I learned that I needed to obtain permission for the art work I was using on my blog site. 

Although the World Wide Web is open for all to see and use, it is not a free for all to do and use as you please.  We must respect people’s property and have moral principals in which we are to live. 

As a parent, that teaching begins at home.  Although I was not aware of the legalities of using the art work, I immediately withdrew all of the art work and sent letters requesting permission to do so.  I have received welcomed responses and have added those to my blog.  

This was not only a matter of integrity, but it was an important lesson for my children as well.   We should never be lazy to make the adjustments or correct a wrong that was done.  Integrity should be the standard by which we live whether publicly or privately.

Set the standard for yourself, for your family and you’ll set the course for life.

We both can’t be tired at the same time…

A slice of advice:

Raising a family is both a blessing and a challenge.  Often you have both parents working outside the home and if you’re a stay at home mom you have more work than can be handled between the hours of 9-5.  The key is to work as a team.

I remember some years ago my husband and I were running with the busy-ness of the day and we were both ready to pass out. My youngest at the time wanted to go out to play and neither one of us could see straight, let alone think straight. 

Of course this was a problem because it created tension and strife.  When the two of you are tired it can create anger and resentment toward each other. This is important to keep in mind and why you both can’t be tired at the same time.  Don’t let resentment build.  Get rest when you need it.  

The demands of raising a family take a lot of work, sacrifice and discipline. Your family must be a priority, but so should your marriage relationship.  Keeping love alive is the key to a successful marriage and in doing so you keep the family well and strong.

Traditions!

Today I want to talk about traditions.  What are traditions? Traditions are the handing down of opinions, doctrines, practices, rites and customs that are passed on from generation to generation.  When my husband and I first got married we used to alternate between families’ in order to celebrate our respective traditional holidays. He had traditions that he grew up with and I had traditions that I wanted to follow. 

After many years of family gatherings and raising a family we soon realized that we needed to incorporate what was meaningful to us. Our traditions were the templates used to create traditions of our own.  Two of our favorite celebrations are Christmas and Birthdays.  Although birthdays were not celebrated in my husband’s home, they were very important in my family.  Growing up, we only had cake on special occasions like birthdays and weddings. 

How do you break away from traditions without breaking them all together?   You incorporate a little of his-story and a little of your-story to find the value in those celebrated traditions.

It may seem that traditions are unraveling, but they are not. It is what links the past to the future allowing your family the chance to create traditions of your own.

Let love be your guide...

Teaching moments:

When my youngest daughter was just a toddler she loved to play hide-and-seek.  One afternoon, I remember picking her up from grandma’s house and found her playing with her best friend.  The mother of the child was so taken by my daughter’s act of grace.  She said that my daughter knew where her friend was hiding and yet she would prolong the search and announce, “She’s not here, she’s not here”. All the while knowing exactly where she was hiding.  What was she doing?  She was extending grace.  

I learned something that day: first, I learned that we always have an opportunity to show grace.  Secondly, we may know of people’s flaws and be aware of their insecurities.  Sometimes people are doing the best they can for the stage of life they’re in.  We should extend grace, not judgment.  By extending grace we can be an example to them by allowing love to be our guide.

"Art by Hidden Eloise", follow her to http://www.etsy.com/shop/HidenSeek

Networking!

Today’s culture focuses on the importance on networking.  Your relationships at home are equally important as those cultivated outside of your home.  It is important to build relationships, but they should start at home with your family.  

I took a long ride recently with both of my daughters.  It was a spur of the moment event and it was fun. We literally had a laugh fest. It seemed as though everything was funny that day.  We took time to leave the routine of our day and made it fun.  

Take time out of your busy schedule and schedule some fun times with your family, whether you’re a single mom, or a family of four, take some time to have fun.  This is how memories are made.  It’s those spur of the moment events that they will long remember. So take time today and play!

Throw me flowers

Tirar me Flores – It’s a Spanish phrase I taught my husband which means: whisper sweet words to me.

My husband is a driver and has worked the night shift since the day we met.  I have always worked the day shift.  We are like two ships passing in the night.  When I go to bed, he is still at work and when I get up he is still sleeping.

When responsibilities differ, one may not fully understand what the other person has experienced that day or that week. I try never to call him at work, unless it is an absolute emergency.  I need him to drive safely and get home to us safely.  So 

I try to handle it the best I can. 

Speak soft words not harsh words: a soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up strife -Proverbs 15:1.   I can complain when he calls or I can ask how his day is going, I choose the latter. 

Remember to speak kind words at the right time, edify each other often. You see it’s easy to let our days get the best of us.  I have been the one home with the children Monday through Friday, and the burden of responsibility has been overwhelming at times.  Thank goodness they grow up!  

When I say to him, ‘throw me flowers honey’, I am reminding him to speak sweet words to me and I to him.

Be Mighty!

If you give up when trouble comes it shows that you are weak: Proverbs 24:10

Being a strong woman has more to do with our mind then our physical strength.  We women need to be strong not for the sake of it; but because we need to be examples to our children.  We need to leave them a pattern for which they can follow.

Being strong gives them hope for the future, it helps them realize that no matter what happens, we must persevere, we must keep living and look forward to the future.  I like to think of my mom, she’s my hero.  She is my example of one who perseveres: to persist in anything undertaken, to maintain a purpose in spite of difficult circumstances.

My mom is the reason I can keep moving forward. She has been a great example to me and to my own children.  When challenges come, and they will, don’t give up, be mighty and keep persevering.

(read more at:  http://www.womensavemoney.com/faith-and-life/be-mighty  

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How are you watching?

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness (she doesn’t waste her time). Proverbs 31:27

How does she watch?  By listening, by keeping her ears and eyes open to see what is going on in her home: she is aware of what the kids are watching on the television/computer.  She makes sure she knows who their friends are and with whom they are keeping company. She makes herself available to her family. She loves her family and shows it. 

She is not so preoccupied with her tasks that the children don’t have her attention.  She guards her home from predators; those that would come to bring harm whether by words or deed, neither by friends, family or foe.

She guards her family like the lioness watching her cubs. She is not idle (lazy) she takes care of herself, husband and children.  She takes care of her home making sure everyone has what they need.

Communicate, Communicate!

 A slice of advice:

When my husband and I decided to get married years ago, we made a commitment to each other to always talk things out. I honestly have to say it has been one of the most important things that have kept our marriage all these years.

It used to take me weeks to get over an offense.  I would walk around the house and do what I needed to do and not say a word!  What a waste of time.  I finally understood what the Word of God says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath”.  You may not always agree, but you can agree to disagree.

It is so important to respect what the other person is saying even if you feel you are right.  It’s sometimes better to be quiet and listen.  It brings sweetness to your marriage and honor to your commitment for each other.  Being right isn’t always right!

Art by JuJuGarden http://www.zazzle.com/vintage_couple_kiss_card-137337140399373017

Sleeping with the enemy:

A slice of advice:

Ever have a big fight with your spouse?  We all go through this at some point or another.  The important thing to remember is that it will pass.  

You might think ‘I can’t believe this is the same man I married, what is wrong with that man?’  Love him! That’s right love him, even if at the moment you can’t get past your pain, do it as unto the Lord who sees all.  Make a breakfast feast or a wonderful dinner with some of the things he loves. (Remember, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach).

The Word of God says to “Heap coals of love on your enemy” (that’s what it feels like when you’ve had fighting words, just being honest here!)   Forgive, even when the pain is still there.  Do it even when you don’t feel like it and watch things turn around.

Listen to me; it took me many years to figure this one out, learn it fast.

When problems arise

A slice of advice:

Don’t forget your friend or your parent’s friend.  Don’t always go to your family for help when trouble comes.  A neighbor close by is better than family far away.  Proverbs 27:10

When it comes to problems that arise in a marriage it is never wise to go to your family (that includes your family or in-laws) for help. When trouble arises in your marriage, it is better to find a close friend, a good neighbor or an elder (preferably a woman of integrity who has been married and who is seasoned with the wisdom of God) for help. 

The wisdom here is family will judge and hold the offense, long after the problem between you and your spouse has been resolved.  This is one way to honor marriage.

Give me 20 minutes please!

A slice of advice:

I call this the 20 minute rule.   When your spouse gets home (give a kind greeting) then give him 20 minutes to unwind.  It takes time to get the mind from work to home.   It is something I have taught my children as well.  Whenever someone has been away from home for hours greet them and then give them 20 minutes to unwind.  

There was a very short period of time when the roles reversed and my spouse was home before I got home, rather than get agitated, I made a ritual of coming home and taking a 20 minute shower.  This gave me pause and time to regroup my thoughts. I was refreshed, I got a 20 minute break and all was well! 

Never ask a single woman for marital advice

A slice of advice:      

A single woman may have ideas on how she would handle a situation, but because she hasn’t actually experienced marriage she is not authorized to do so.   A married woman cares about the things concerning her husband and her household.  Seek God's wisdom and find a woman (older who’s been married longer or married before) that you can trust that can help you.  





 

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Confessions...

They say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach - in other words feed him!  Sounds easy, isn’t that what a wife is supposed to do?   

Sure it is, however, I hate cooking!!  Truth be told, I would rather clean the bathrooms than cook.   

I used to have a plate in my kitchen that said, “The only reason I have a kitchen, is because it came with the house!”   I thought that line was hysterical and so me!  I had it for years until it broke…was that a sign for me to keep cooking?

My husband knows I don’t like to cook, but I have found ways to make things that are edible because I had too. I am fortunate that he will consume just about anything.  His mother was a wonderful cook, so there is no comparison here.  We found a way to work it out, I cook and you eat what I cook!

Maybe cooking is not your thing?  Don’t feel bad about it, do the best you can.  If there is something you’re good at, keep doing what you do best. You can always take a class on something you want to improve.  Don’t worry about all the things that you cannot do.  Do your best, we all have something that we can do!

How to be a Wife

Hello!

My name is Irma and I am writing to help many of you women who are newly married, never married, want to be married, have been married and maybe need a little help in navigating on being a wife.  

I have been married for 31 years and I do not profess to know it all. I am still learning some things.  What I do know - I want to share with you!

Here are some of the things I want to talk about...

• Honoring your husband
• Being a woman of integrity
• Persevering in good times and bad
• Faith
• Guarding your heart, your home
• Having a moral compass
• Teaching moments-a slice of advice
• Loyalty

I look forward to walking this journey with you....